$500 CASH GIVEAWAY

Get ready, because this is an epic contest – a $500 CASH GIVEAWAY to one lucky person!

Do I have your attention now? :)

Today I’m partnering with Life Insurance Finder to provide this awesome contest. Life Insurance Finder are a great new company that help you find and compare life insurance policies all in one place and without costing you a cent.

All you have to do to enter to win $500 USD cash is tell me what’s on your Financial Bucket List. You can also blog and tweet about the contest too if you want more entries (trust me, you do).

Here are a few items from MY Financial Bucket List:

1. Improve my Travel fund
2. Get my Emergency Fund to £5000.00
3. Start a kid/college fund.

How to enter to win $500 CASH:

PLEASE READ THIS CAREFULLY. You must leave a SEPARATE comment with each entry in it below for it to count. If it’s not in the comments, each as a separate comment, it will not count (this is how I will track your # of entries).

NOTE: You don’t need to comment 10 separate times that you blogged about it. I will make sure to count that comment as 10 entries. :)

• (1 entry): What’s on your Financial Bucket List! Choose a couple of things on your financial bucket list, and leave them in the comments below.
• (1 entry): TWEET about the Financial Bucket List giveaway!  Just copy & tweet the following:
  “I just entered to win $500 CASH with @lifeinsurancef and @krystalatwork! Enter here: http://wp.me/pPQjl-2fV“
• (10 entries): BLOG about this Giveaway!  Post up YOUR Financial Bucket List to your site  – either in text, or in images and be sure to mention you’re trying to win “the $500 Give Me Back My Five Bucks competition, sponsored by Life Insurance Finder, the life insurance experts” somewhere with both links & text fully included. Then include the URL to the post in the comments below. Please note that this MUST be a new post (it cannot be added to an old one), and make sure to include all text and links in your post.

Rules:

• This is a contest for $500 in cash.
• Open to everyone worldwide. The only requirement is that you have a PayPal account in order to receive the prize. :)
• The contest will run from November 23-December 14, 2011. All entries must be in by Wednesday, December 14th, 2011 at 5pm PST.
• The winner will be chosen using Random.org
• If you are an anonymous commenter, please remember to leave your e-mail address in your comment, otherwise your entries will be disqualified.

That’s it! GOOD LUCK to everyone!

I’m excited to hear what’s on your Financial Bucket List, and I’m thrilled that one person will be $500 closer to achieving one of their financial goals. :)

Rebirth: Cognito Ergo Sum

The Planner. Perfect marriage material. But completely wrong for me.
The Ape. A Perfect match. But lacking in vision and passion.
The Stranger. A work in progress. Should I follow through?

With the Planner, I always thought we would end up together, already knowing what we would name our kids and where we would get married, and what our wedding would be like. And logically, I know we would never work out. However, there's still some part of me that hopes beyond all reason. He picks me up when I am down. If only he hadn't pulled such a number on me. I honestly don't know why I let his words and actions affect me so much. I shouldn't have let him get to me. And yet in spite of what my conscious and subconscious mind appear to think, my heart is still saying "don't let go, hold on til the end" - but I'm not entirely sure that's what I intend to do.

The Stranger on the other hand, has potential. But in all honesty, I just don't see us going anywhere. Perhaps that is just because I don't know him that well. Maybe I should give him a shot.

I want to drown, in a deep, dark abyss and submerge myself in a black cloud of sorrow and despair. Isolate myself from the world. Succumb to my wailing desperation. Swim in these dark pools of blood-stained madness. I want to lost myself and be reborn. I was not meant for such melancholic non-sense. I was meant to dive into darkness and emerge among the skies, following a thunderous storm, with a rainbow shining brightly. Dripping with water, renewed by the light, my heart patched up all over again, stronger and sturdier with every heartbreak. Determination growing deep inside of me: I can be whoever I want to be. I am in charge (and therefore responsible) of my own actions. I am in charge of my own attitude. "I think, therefore I am" - Cognito Ergo Sum.

What's the world coming to?

2 year old girl passed by 18 other people before one woman decides to help the little girl out. Where has the morality of the world gone to? Am I living in a little bubble? How could I have been that naive and idealistic to think this world is worth saving? Ah..maybe it still is...

HOPE by: Emily Dickinson

Hope is the thing with feathers 

That perches in the soul, 

And sings the tune--without the words, 

And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard; 

And sore must be the storm 

That could abash the little bird 

That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land, 

And on the strangest sea; 

Yet, never, in extremity, 

It asked a crumb of me.

Escondida

Escondida, me ahogo en el fondo de mi alma,
Gritando en silencio y desesperación.
Me encuentro con mi propia sombra
compartiendo esta solitud eterna.

Las murallas crecen y rodean mi corazón
Las cadenas aprietan, asegurados por un candado.

Destinada a refugiarme dentro de estos muros,
La sangre que fluye, limitada, ocultando mis sentimientos.
Las lágrimas no se me paran de salir,

Perdida, lo busco en mis sueños
en una nube de recuerdos
hasta que el fantasma de angustia  y dolor
desvanece.

its been a hectic week...

What a crazy week. Last Friday he asked me to ring him and straight away says he doesn't want to be friends. And then today, we're talking as if we were friends. I have no idea what the hell is going through his mind.

On the other hand, my visa is advancing slowly, but surely (at least I hope so)

My dad's surgery was cancelled, as the chemo and radiotherapy have narrowed his trachea, so they were unable to intubate him.

And finally, I saw the Planner this weekend. I love him to bits. He's one of the sweetest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Of course, if I could only meet a guy like him, I'd be super happy. Obviously without it being him. I'm not sure why I'm so averse to the idea of us being together, but I get the impression that if we were together we would both end up being miserable. There are plenty of things I love about him. But...I'm not really his type. And there's something that's off between us if we were to even try being in a relationship. It's hard to write about this cause I'm already super confused.

He's sweet, understanding, attentive, a great listener, reasonable, clever, ambitious, just the right amount of jealous, the sex is amazing (as in seriously mind-blowing), he's caring, funny, kind, super sexy and he's always there for me. So now you're probably wondering why the hell aren't we together, right? I wish I could explain it with words. But I think it boils down to I'm not really his ideal type...so because he would be miserable, I would be miserable, and we would never last. But it's not just that, I don't think we're great at bouncing off each other in conversation...there's not much banter. We're quite alike, I guess. But we make great friends! I do love him very much as a friend...but in spite of our history, I just couldn't see myself sleeping with him or anyone else again at the moment...And definitely not a one night stand. Funny how time changes things, eh? Well, I better go to bed.

Waiting for the sunshine that follows the rain...

I broke up with him on Friday. He said nothing. No reaction at all. All he has done is message me to let me know he needs some time to digest. If I had stayed with him I would've been going against all the advice I gave my ex's...I would've been settling for less. He wasn't what I'm looking for. Not that I know exactly what I'm looking for. But something more.
Add to that. My visa was rejected. I need to call on Monday and see if I can get things sorted. I don't know what I'm going to do if I have to leave England. I don't know what to do with my life. I feel...purposeless. Can't sleep.
Having a conan marathon.
bit depressed...

Aloha!

How fitting that there's a word that can mean hello and goodbye, right? Good-bye to my old love, hello to the world! I've finally made a decision - I'm going to break it off. No more dragging it out, it's just avoiding the inevitable. I can't wait until I can actually pull through with this. The key question right now is when. This weekend he's coming with his brother - so it will have to be tactfully planned. Perhaps right before he goes.

Part of me is worried I won't find someone else like him again. Another part of me thinks that it's not like I haven't felt that way before - and I always did find someone else. I just can't help "what if I'm making a mistake?"

--------------------------------------
Enough planning on that note. Onto a more romantic note - I've been helping my sister with all these honeymoon and wedding plans that for the first time in my life I'm actually thinking about my future wedding. I think I would like it to be a mix of vintage in the autumn with at least the Corpse Bride vows.

Colours will include some orange and purple - bridesmaids can pick their own dresses.

And I think that for my guestbook I'll have a book, with a polaroid camera next to it, empty picture frames and random props for people.

My dress - I'm still debating whether to just use my mum's or buy a cheap lacey one.

Who knows - I might do my own inspiration board soon... ^_^

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not so sure, if I love you...

Okay I felt a bit like a teenager having a rant in the last one. So enough moping. Here are some pretty pictures of the flowers he gave me on our first date since our break up.

Love hurts...

I've just spent the last 72 hours planning six trips, out of which, only one am I going to realistically go through with. Isn't it weird how we go through such inane things in life - and to what avail? Well, at least I'm being productive, if not for myself, at least for other people. 
---
Why do people take others for granted? I've never understood it. A whole year together, and six months into it I was already feeling like he was taking me for granted. Since then...he's still taking me for granted. I mean I think that's a big part of what bothered me, but what's more is the fact that I've never felt there's been any passion. It's one thing to say that passion dies down - that sort of passion can be re-ignited...but if it was never there..then what do you do?
And of course, to top it all off, a year together and he did absolutely nothing. Nothing! Can you believe it? Not even 3 weeks later, when he was reminded 3 days after...am I really that unlovable? Is it me? Am I just not worth the effort? God, if only he knew what was going through my mind. He knows the important bits, after all, I could hardly expect him to read my mind. But for him to know my pitiful vulnerable side? I think I'll pass. 
Every day I get a little bit stronger, and I convince myself I did the right thing. But the big question is still - is it meant to be temporary or permanent? Sometimes I feel we were meant to be, that we'd make a perfect couple. But if that's how much pain I'm in after a year, imagine after 5 years...and I think, you know what? I could really do without it. 
Love hurts, there's no denying that. And the more you love, the more pain and despair you'll feel. And I was head over heels in love. Now? I'm not too sure. As I said, you can't fall in love if you're not willing to take all the risks. Someone once said that Love is a bit like jumping of a building, you put all thoughts of your life before behind you and put all your trust into one other person. "It is far better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all". 
You know what? He claimed that he didn't want to take the jump because he'd been hurt before (nearly 5 years ago...and he's had a few relationships since). 
He has hurt me more than anyone else before...but in spite of that, I'd be willing to take that jump again and risk that pain just to experience all the good things that come from falling in love. I'm just not sure whether I'm willing to take that risk with him again.